commonpeople1: (Default)
————— Forwarded message —————
From: [redacted]
Date: Mon, Jun 13, 2011 at 11:24 PM
Subject: I meet Quentin Tarantino, hilarity ensues
To: [redcated]
Attachments: 1 [Ed: See above image]

Friendsicles,

You are either getting this e-mail because I’ve promised I would tellyou this story and haven’t yet, you’re besties with someone I used to hook up with, or because my need for attention and adulation has reached such an all time high that I decided to pick 15 of you at random to listen to this story (most likely explanation), but all the same, below is the (in)famous but true story of how I met Quentin Tarantino… [redacted] and [redacted], I’ll be expecting your short film script of this in my inbox in the next couple of weeks…

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011:

Get a BBM at 8 in the morning from my friend [redacted] telling me we’re going to a party in “the Hills” that night because the Yankees were in town. But this party now presents a conundrum as a) I didn’t know people partied on Wednesdays because I’m uncool and b) I had just run out of clean underwear and hadn’t shaved my legs in three days, so I wasn’t really in a “party” sort of place. (what’s that you say? You’re surprised I’m single?) However, after being told to grow a pair, I decided to join the girls after work for this fiesta.

Read more... )
commonpeople1: (Jorge)
Dear friend
how are you doing? i hope you are fine ,please don,t be suprise to receive my message, my name is Mary Tamba. i came accross your your profile at through friends online websites i decided to communicate with you, because i believe one can find a very good caring, understanding and God fearing person by all means in the world,
i hope to hear from you so that i can tell you more about my self with love and trust, and as well give you my pics, please kindly write me back so that we can know more about each other for further conversation.
yours new friend
Mary

Dear Mary,

My name is James and I've got the X Factor. Yes, it's true! I really do. And I'm fine, thank you. How are you? I hope you are well.

It was very kind of you to write. Maybe you heard about me through one of the X Factor fansites? To be honest, you are the first fan to send me an e-mail! LOL. But I'm hoping more will follow your example and stop slagging me off on the forums. And if the Lord is my witness, I'll win this year's X Factor.

Mary, you have no idea how scary it is to be on stage, staring down at Simon, Dannii, Cheryl and Louis! Plus those thousands of people praying you fuck up and get booted off. Thankfully, I made it through the auditions and did well in the Boot Camp. I'm not allowed to tell you if I got to the Final 12 so you'll just have to keep writing to me and watching the telly to find out! LOL.

Here's my photo. Next time I'll try to autograph one for you.

xxxooo James Carvalho

P.S. Is there any song you think would suit my voice and be popular with the viewers?

James Carvalho has the X Factor
commonpeople1: (Ulf)
Hello James,
Can you help me to recieve a cheque in uk??

Regards

Adams

Hello Adams,

I work all night, I sleep all day, to fill the veins I have to fill. Ain't it sad? And in my crypt there doesn't seem to be a single coin left for me - that's too bad. In my dreams I have a plan: if I got me a wealthy man I wouldn't have to work at all, I'd fool around and have a midnight ball.

Money, money, money - must be funny in the rich man's world. Money, money, money - always sunny in the rich man's world. Aha-ahaaa! All the things I could do if I had a little money... It's a rich man's world.

A man like that is hard to find but I can't get him off my mind. Ain't it sad? And if he happens to be free I bet he wouldn't fancy me. That's too bad. So I must leave, I'll have to go to your property in Nigeria and win a fortune in oil. My life will never be the same. Money, money, money - must be funny in the rich man's world.

Regards

James
commonpeople1: (Bobby)
Hello James,
Thanks for the mail, I am so sorry for Igor. I have a client in united kingdom that wants to issue a check to my company in london, I will like you to receive the check and deposit into your bank account and if the money has been deposited into your account you can deduct %10 from the money and send the remaining money to my manager in africa. I hope this deal will be good for you.

I am waiting for your reply on this deal.

Regards

Adams

Dear Adams,

Out on the winding, wintry morgues we'd roll and fall in glee. I had a temper like my jealousy - too hot, too greedy. How could Igor leave me, when I needed to possess him? I hated him... but I loved him, too.

Bad dreams in the night - Igor once told me he was going to lose the fight, leave behind my lingering, lingering, lingering bites.

"Carvalho, it's me, I’m Igor, I've come home and I'm so cold, let me in your window. Carvalho, it's me, I’m Igor, I've come home and I'm so cold, let me in your window."

Adams, it gets dark! It gets lonely, on the other side from him. I pine a lot, I find the lot falls through without him. "I'm coming back," Igor wailed. "Cruel Carvalho, my one dream, my only master."

Too long I roamed in the night. And now he's coming back to my side, to put it right. Igor's coming home to my lingering, lingering, lingering bites.

"Carvalho, it's me, I’m Igor, I've come home and I'm so cold, let me in your window."

Ooh! Let me have it. Let me grab his soul away. Ooh! Let me have it. Let me grab his soul away. You know it's him -- Igor!

Wistfully yours,

James

P.s. I managed to snap a photo of the apparition outside my window. Do you think it might actually be Igor?!?

A photo of Igor's ghost? )
commonpeople1: (Pietr)
Hello James,
Thanks for the mail, do you still have the gold coin with you, if you still have go to any bureau de change where they normally chnage money and change the money to paper money and send it to me right away. i am sorry about igor.

Regards

Adams

Hello Adams,

It's been 7 hours and 15 days since that ship took Igor away. I go out every night and sleep all day... since the ship took Igor away. Since he's been gone I can do whatever I want, I can see whomever I choose. I can eat my dinner behind a fancy restaurant but nothing - I said nothing - can take away these blues... 'cause nothing compares, nothing compares to my boo!

It's been so lonely without him here, like a bat without a song. Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling - tell me Adams, where did I go wrong? I could put my arms round every boy I see, but they'd only remind me of him. I went to the psychic, guess what she told me? Guess what she told me? She said "Honey you better try to have fun no matter what you do," but she's a fool - 'cause nothing compares, nothing compares to my boo!

All the flowers that I planted Adams in the graveyard, all died when he went away. I know that living with me was sometimes hard but I'm willing to give it another try... nothing compares, nothing compares to my boo...

Sincerely,

James
commonpeople1: (Pietr)
Hello James,
When is Igor coming to africa??

Hello Mr Lawrence,

I am very worried about Igor. I don't know when he'll arrive in Africa... I don't even know if he's still alive!

About a week ago, the ship he was stowed away in sent a distress signal that was picked up by the YMCA Royal Navy. It appears that the ship encountered heavy storms on the way to Africa and crashed against some rocks. Many died or disappeared under the waves; Igor was one of the few that survived (his morse code was sent from the captain's cabin just before he jumped out of the window and managed to land in one of the dinghys.) Unfortunately, he lost all of the Virgin statues with the gold coins, apart from one stuffed down his trousers (maybe it's enough for a down payment on your property, if he gets there?) The gifts for the security guards were also lost.

About a few days ago, I received a text message from his mobile phone. It appears that the survivors of the ship found an island off the African coast and are currently there. All attempts on my part to locate the exact position of the island, however, have been futile - it's as if the place is off the maps! He was in high spirits until this morning, when a distressing message arrived together with a mobile photo: "They all died. Please help me. I'll try to make it to the second island in a boat I found. They killed them, the Others killed them all..."

As you can imagine, I'm deathly pale with worry. I sincerely hope he manages to make it to Africa and buy the land for me, but I'm not getting my hopes up. I fear the worst.

Attentiously yours,

James Carvalho

Last photo sent from Igor's mobile phone )
commonpeople1: (Patrick)

Regent's Canal 17
Originally uploaded by olliefern
The last e-mail I received from my lawyer in West Africa arrived on Saturday. This is what Mr Lawrence said:
Hi James,
Thanks for your email, i will be expecting mr Igor in lagos, nigeria so that we can see and discuss how the deal will take place.
Regards
Adams Lawrence

I didn't reply. What could I have said? Igor was gone and now it was a matter of waiting until he successfully crossed the seas and arrived in Lagos.

This business deal may have been a big mistake: since Igor's departure a heatwave has struck London - it's as if a curse has fallen on me due to my faithful friend's departure. I lie now in my crypt all day, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. I can hear the joggers pounding the pavement above, cycles ringing their bells, the laughter of happy people enjoying the blasted sunshine. It's doing me head in. And I seem to have developed hay fever - something I've never experienced in over a thousand years! I doubt puny human medicine will help at all so I've resorted to sticking tissue up my nose and hoping the bloody phlegm stops pouring out.

I rise from my restless days, though, to these beautiful dusks covering the city. Birds flying everywhere that remind me of the bats in my family's home, St George Castelo. A hedgehog staring at me from behind a fence, so much alike my childhood pet Mr Tiddywinkles. I'm adrift in memories and taken to walking Regent's Canal at night, casting my mind towards Igor and hoping that all is alright with him. The canal is strangely empty at night, as if bike riders and joggers know to stir clear of it (the one or two corpses found floating in the water may have been my doing, but surely that wouldn't put off Londoners?!) All this solitude is bad - it exacerbates my melancholia. Even my iPod has turned on me, playing one sad song after another.

Hurry my sweet Igor. Hurry and purchase that land so I can cross the oceans to be with you and start a new life. And don't forget my postcard.
commonpeople1: (Randolf)
Hello Cavarlho,
Thanks for your mail, i will like to see the photo of mr igor so that i will know how to describe him whenever he arrives in africa. i will also want to know how much he will be bringing with him?
The coins you are talking about is it the coins that they normally spend in uk? pls advise me so that i wll know what to do.

Regards

Adams Lawrence

Hello Adams,

Please find attached a photo of Igor. I am sure you will have no trouble spotting him once he arrives in your beautiful country. He will meet you at midnight inside Querelle Bar, where all the solitary sailors go when they seek love. He will have with him two statues of the Virgin. Each statue will contain inside 20 gold coins, which I hope is enough to pay for government taxes, put a down payment on the land and buy a lil' gift for each of the security guards (by the way, can you give me suggestions for gifts to them? Do they like cashmere and taffeta?)

It's been 9 hours now since Igor said goodbye and went to the port. It was a very emotional scene, with tears shed by the both of us. Damn, I am going to miss that hunchback! I know I treat him harshly sometimes, but he is a good companion and does the housework competently. I hope you treat him well when you meet him, Mr Lawrence.

Igor will try to send me telegraphs from the boat if he manages to enter the captain's cabin without being noticed. I shall keep you updated on his journey. In the meantime, tell me about yourself. What is your favorite book, your favorite film? You are very mysterious Mr Lawrence. Are you one of those strong and silent types?

Hugs,

Mr Carvalho

Photo of my P.A. and finance officer Igor )
commonpeople1: (Pietr)
Dear Mr Carvalho,
Thanks for your early mail, i want you to know that meeting with mr Igor will not be a problem, i will be happy to welcome him with my hands open.
Regarding the guards of the duplex i told you about, they are tall strong and phisically fit they can guild any where in the world, but before my Igor can come here i will want him to pay some certain amount of money so that i can prepare some government papers and pay for some government revenue tax here in west africa.
So Mr carvalho the total amount of money that you will have to pay is $3,800 so that i can start to proccess the land document before i can meet with mr Igor. if you know you are ready to pay for the documents kindly send me a mail so that i can send you the westrn union information that you will use in sending the money.
Regards
Adams Lawrence

This is the land certificate:

Mr Lennon's Land Certificate
Mr Lennon's land certificate


Dr Mr Lawrence,

Thank you for your e-mail and for explaining so succinctly what I need to do next. Igor, as well as being my P.A., manages my finances. I ordered him to find $3,800 in my coffers so I could pay for your government tax and papers, but he came back and told me we only had gold coins and that he would need to have them converted into paper money. He then proceeded to take some of the coins to the port and look for sailors interested in buying them. He was gone for a long time (which is why I haven't replied earlier to you - I was so worried he'd been captured by those men who seek to destroy me that I couldn't bare to visit our local internet cafe.) When he came back, he told me crazed tales of sailors and ships no longer existing at the port, of people laughing at him when he showed them the gold coins and calling him a fool.

You might wonder Mr Lawrence what I did next. Well, I gave Igor a beating! How dare he tell me these lies? Does he take me for a naive babe? I know the world we live in; I know that my gold coins are still valuable and can open any doors I wish to enter.

Finally, after skulking around the crypt for a while, Igor suggested hiding the coins inside statues of the Virgin and taking them to Africa with him. He will be stowing away inside the next boat that departs England and after a few weeks at sea, will arrive at your country and give you the coins. I'm sure you will be able to sell the coins and get the money needed to secure the land for me.

Please let me know if this plan seems a good one to you. If you are happy with it, I shall send you a photo of Igor so you can recognise him when he arrives.

With warm regards,

Mr Carvalho
commonpeople1: (Zack)
Dear Cavarlho,
Thanks for your email, presently i am not in uk because of some business deals, i am in spain right now.
Firstly i believe that the land will be ok by you because there is a duplex that was built by me on the land and i have force men that guarding the house and the land 24 hours, so travelling down to west africa to see the land will never be a problem becuase there is sea around the land and you will be welcomed properly like a king. i want you to contact my lawyer in west africa so that he can tell you more things about the land and how the transaction will take place. my lawyer in west africa can be reached on his phone: +123-4567891011 or you can mail him earlier so that he can tell you what to do next. this is the email address of my lawyer: adams.lawrence516@legaleagle.com tell him that you are from brown lennon and i will call him now.
Regards
Brown Lennon

Dear Mr Lennon,

It warms my heart to hear you describe me as a King. Many moons ago this was how people called me when I walked the streets of Europe's capitals. As things go, my name has fallen from use (and into a certain disrepute) and is now almost forgotten by those who should remember it most. I am also very happy to hear that the land is provided with a duplex protected by guards. I imagine they must be tall, strong men - their powerful muscles and piercing eyes inspiring fear and admiration on those that approach the compound. Can't wait to meet them!

Since our last correspondence, it has become a matter of urgency that I leave the U.K. I fear that some individuals here do not have my best interests at heart and are determined to find my resting place. I have a faithful friend, Igor, who is a type of personal assistant - he will be travelling to West Africa before me to make sure my arrival by boat goes smoothly, and that the duplex is fitted for my needs. The both of us are very keen on leaving this island A.S.A.P.

On a completely unrelated note, have you ever watched the TV show Rupaul's Drag Race? Igor and I have been so addicted to it we spent nearly our entire Easter weekend watching it. There are some Fierce Divas in that show! I highly recommend it as a mixture of light entertainment and fabulous spectacle unlike anything else on the telly. I only wish they would bring the format to the U.K. because I could see the British public lapping this show up. What's the TV like in your country by the way? Are there many interesting shows? I do tend to stay indoors a lot (especially during the summer) so I rely on the TV for some of my entertainment.

I hope this e-mail finds you well. Please do pass my contact details to your lawyer and ask him to contact me (but only after 8pm) so that I can learn how to proceed from here.

Yours truly,

Mr Carvalho

P.S. Igor waves hello.

Sweet Oil

Apr. 14th, 2009 04:19 pm
commonpeople1: (Johan)
Hello,

I am Brown Lennon from United Kingdom. i have a land in west africa, i bought the land about 15 years ago. The land contains crude oil, so i have decided to contact any buyer that could be interested in the land. The land is just about 32 hectares. Please you should be prepared to travel over to west africa to view the land. I have a financial consultant in London that would represent my financial interest and a lawyer in west africa to help us expedite action on the transaction. if you are interested please get back to me on my email:brown.lennon1@crudeoil.com with your profile and genuine interest/offer.

Best Regards,

Brown Lennon

Dear Mr Lennon,

I am very interested in your land. What kind of place is it? Are there any churches nearby (specifically, the type of buildings with large crucifixes?) I ask because those places give me the creeps and would severely impair me from purchasing your land. Also, does the land contain any sort of house I can stay inside while I visit? I would prefer if it was the kind of house that has blinds or shutters that completely cover the windows - you see, I'm a little sensitive to light. A basement would be good too. Finally, is there a commercial port nearby? I would like to travel to see your land but I am only able to do so by sea.

If you invite me into your home here in the U.K., it will be my pleasure to visit you and discuss this further.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Mr Carvalho

P.S. My working hours are a little unorthodox so I'm not able to reply to phonecalls or e-mails until after 8pm. I hope that's OK.
commonpeople1: (Tom)
Dear Friend,

I am James Barry, 1st Marine Division, 7th Marine Regiment, 3rd Battalion 4th Marines, Fallujah-Bagdad, Iraq. I am an army contractor attached to the US Military for the sole purpose of reconstruction work in Fullajah-Bagdad, Iraq.

On the 27th August 2008, I and my men discovered some metal boxes (4 in number) piled on top one another, each with a sign written on them, one filled with hard drugs (heroine), two filled with bullets and the other one to my amazement contained U.S. hundred dollar bills which we counted and discovered that the money in that box total to $5.2Million. We hide the box containing the money in untraceable location, I am now in desperate need of a reliable and Trustworthy person who would receive and secure this box of money containing the US Dollars until my assignment elapses.

We cannot afford to leave the box of money here in Iraq for any reason since Iraq is getting unsafe and dangerous every day. I am fully aware of what your thoughts would be next, but on receipt of your response, I will send my picture as well as my Identity, for you to know whom you are dealing with. I assure and promise to give you 15% of this fund, please assure me of your keeping this deal a topmost secret. Send your reply to my private E-mailing address; jamesbarry2008@yabbadabba.com

My Sincere Regards,
James Barry.


Yo James,

That's fucking awesome. James Carvalho here, 1st Marine Division, 5th Marine Regiment, 2nd Battalion, currently back in the U.S. of A., stationed in Camp Horno. Yes, i promise to keep our dealings a topmost secret. You can have my word on that, and as any guy from my regiment will tell you, my word is the law when it comes to secrecy. And maybe you heard too, if my reputation got as far as you, there's some heavy shit i had to keep to myself when i got back from Iraq and, hey, i'm no stranger to having questions asked of me but keeping quiet in order to maintain the peace? Easy. Know what i mean?

Ok, your e-mail really interested me. i have no clue how you fucking found me but i'm assuming it was through one of our acquaintances. Whatever. i was kinda expecting some shit to blow my way, but i was thinking more along the lines of scoring some heroin. Now, you gotta tell me what you did with the other boxes. i'm not so curious about the bullets, but what did you do with the heroin box? See, in my view that's where the money is. Trust me JB, that box of US dough is fake. Kiddy money to keep the peace with the locals. Worth nothing. Burn a couple if you don't believe me. i know the heroin is the real deal though. Seen it used in some heavy duty negotiations, if you know what i mean.

i've got an aunt called Sister Jasmine (she's a nun) who's going to be in Iraq in a couple of days, doing some missionary work. i could arrange for you to meet her. And if you gave her a statue of the Virgin with the heroin in side it, she could fly it back to the States. But she can't know there's junk in the statue! i'll check the merchandise when it gets here and we can see how to get the rest over.

Now here's a photo of myself. Please send me a picture of yourself, with i.d., so i know that you ain't some time waster.

Catch you later,

James Carvalho

Marine James Carvalho
commonpeople1: (Ulf)
Hi there!

It has been long time since we did not meet. I hope everything is okay with you. I found a great medicine shop on the net. I ordered some meds and got my orders in 3 days to my postbox.They are cheap and quality. I thought that you may be interested.Here is their advertisement :

- Man's Health, Anti-Depressants, Antibiotics, Cholesterol, Diabetes, Diuretic, Pain, Sexual Health, Erectile dysfunction, Sleep Aids and Weight Loss medicines
- Worldwide shipping
- Always fresh discounts
- Always full anonymity
- Always making you a happy customer!

Choose us and you will feel well: Always!

Cindy22

I'm crushing your head! I'm crushing your head! Your head is flat now.

commonpeople1: (Katie)
Anna

Hi Dear !!!
How are you today? I really hope that all good for you.
My name is Anna. I'm from Russia, the city is Saint-Petersburg.
I'm 24 years old a single woman. Never married and have no children.
I really hope that you will read my letter with interest.
I want to develop our relations with You. I hope that you will answer to my
letter and we will have good time together. Please, answer to me as soon as you can.

My personal e-mail address: *********@gmail.com

Yours new friend Anna

P.S. I sent my photo. I hope that you like it. Please, answer to me with
your photo too. Bye....

Dear Anna,

Blessed be the Virgin! I am so very glad you wrote. I was just telling one of the sisters the other day that posting ads in the newspapers wasn't going to get many replies - well, look at us now, I said, we haven't had a single reply yet from a young lady interested in becoming a nun! And our Holy Father in the Vatican just a few weeks from visiting us, so much preparing needing to be done, and us being completely overwhelmed with preparations for his visit, without any help from an able body under the age of 50. If you saw the size of the tables that we'll have to move, you would understand! So thank you my dear Anna. Thank you very much for writing and showing an interest in joining the Convent of the Carmelitas.

Everyone knows me as Sister Jasmine. I will be in charge of sending you more information on the proceedures of joining the convent, the papers needed to be completed before you leave Saint Petersburg (VISAs, passports and so forth - I do hope you have a passport?) I have to confess I'm glad to know you are not married and don't have any children; it's always easier to adapt to our life here at the convent when we are not too attached to family members. And thank you for sending me your photo - I like it very much! I showed it to Sister Deloris, who runs our little choir, and she said you looked like a natural born singer. Was she right? Would you enjoy joining the choir when you arrive here? I have to say that you look very pretty in that photo; you remind me very much of Sister Magdalene, who sadly is no longer with us - she eloped with one of the local lads! But I'll tell you more about that when you get here. She was a naughty girl.

Please find attached a photo of myself with the Virgin - full of grace! We keep her in the refectory. I find the expression on her face so calming. I look to her when I feel overwhelmed with all the preparations for the Holy Father's visit.

Anyway, I'm sorry if I babbled a little in this first e-mail. The Mother Superior keeps telling me to watch my mouth because I talk too much... that's probably 100 Hail Marys I'll do tonight, kneeling on the cobcorns, before I go to bed.

I really look forward to meeting you! Please write me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE letting me know which dates you are available to fly so I can start arranging your flight tickets.

God bless, full of grace,

Sister Jasmine Carvalho

commonpeople1: (Randolf)
From Hayden March

THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAIL BACK TO ME.MY LATE CLIETS NAME IS MR.JAMES CARVALHO.SINCE YOU BEAR THE SAME NAME I DECIDEDE TO PRESENT YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO MR JAMES CARVALHO.THE CITI BANK LONDON CONTACTED ME ABOUT THIS DEVELOPMENT.I ONLY NEED YOUR CONTACT DETAILS SO I CAN FORWARD IT TO THE CITI BANK LONDON AS THE ORIGINAL NEXT OF KIN OR BENEFICIARY TO MY LATE CLIENT WILL.
BEING HIS ATTORNEY,I WILL MAKE SURE I GET ALL THE NECCESARY DOCUMENTS TO BACK YOU UP.I WILL FORWARD TO YOU THE DEATH AND THE DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE.I WILL ALSO GO TO THE BRITISH HIGH PROBATE COURT TO GET THE AFFIDAVIT OF CLAIMS IN YOUR NAME.SO PLEASE I NEED YOUR INFORMATIONS SO I CAN PRESENT IT TO THE CITI BANK LONDON.YOUR FULL DETAILS IS REQIURED TO HELP MAKE THE TRANFER OF THE MONEY INTO A SAFE NOMINATED ACCOUNT YOU WILL PROVIDE.WE ARE GOING TO SHARE 70% AND 30% WILL BE MAPPED OUT FOR EXPENCES TO MAKE THE TRANSFER A SUCCESS.YOUR PHONE NUMBER IS NEEDED FOR EASY COMMUNICATION
I AWAIT YOUR REPLY
MY REGARDS

Dear Mr March,

I've thought long and hard about the money which Mr James Carvalho Senior left me and I've decided to take an unexpected route: I hereby declare that I would like all the money to go to charity! 70% of the money (my allotment) should go to Cancer Research UK, Terence Higgins Trust, Shelter, Amnesty International, The Salvation Army, The Red Cross, Greenpeace, Shelter and the British Museum, all divided equally. I would be grateful if the 30% of the money allocated to you would go to charities too, of your choice, though I understand that this may not be entirely possible due to the legal and administrative work you have put into this matter so far.

How are things with you, anyway? I hope all this kerfuffle isn't taking too much of your time and you've been able to nip out of the office and do a bit of Christmas shopping (aren't the weekends downtown just dreadful?) Things are OK with me. I noticed last night that there was no cold water in my apartment; the matter seems to have continued this morning. I'm worried because I'm hosting my bookclub meeting tonight and it's going to be embarrassing if someone wants to flush the toilet but there's no water. Luckily, my landlords are part of my bookclub so I'm going to ask them to look into the matter. We are discussing Wilkie Collins' novel No Name tonight; it's absolutely brilliant and I highly recommend it as a holiday read (even though I'm only halfway through). It's my turn to suggest the next novel but I'm undecided if I should pick The Valley of the Dolls or Gay Blades. What do you think?

Thank you very much for all your help in this matter. I hope it isn't too hard for you to distribute the money amongst the charities. As a goodbye gesture, please find attached a photo of James Carvalho Junior, my pet mouse. Isn't he cute?

Wishing you best regards and a merry Christmas,

James Carvalho

James Carvalho
Photo of James Carvalho Junior, attached to e-mail
commonpeople1: (Zack)
Gold in Your Eyes

HUMAN RIGHT PRACTITIONER

For Your Attention:

Sequel to your non response to my earlier letter to you on behalf of the Trustees and Executors to the Will of our late client. I wish to notify you that your name is listed as a beneficiary to the total sum of 2,600,000.00 GBP (Two million six hundred thousand British pounds) in the codicil and last testament of the deceased. Until his death he was a major share holder in big companies which include textile and construction companies.

He was a very great philanthropist during his life time. He died on 9th January 2004 at the age of 68. He was buried on the 3rd of February. Even though he was a foreigner living and working here he requested before his death that he be buried here in his words, "I regard here as my home and the people as my people."

I therefore reckoned that you can receive this fund as you are qualified by your name identity. All the legal papers will be processed on your response. In your acceptance of this deal, we request that you kindly forward to us your current occupation, telephone and fax numbers and contact address and also other vital details about you to enable us file necessary documents at our high court probate division for the release of this sum of money.

Congratulations.

Yours faithfully,

Barr Hayden G March
marchhayden@gmail.com
Phone Number: +44-703-193-0781
Advice Line: +44-703-184-3675
297 Coventry Road
Sheldon
London


Dear Hayden,

You didn't mention in your e-mail the name of the diseased. It's been so long... nearly four years now. I think I know who you mean, but I'm not sure. In many ways, I wish the money had gone to a charity instead of my pockets. Having all this money only confuses me. It's a great temptation.

I walked Kingsland Road today, during my lunch break, looking for a pound store that sold dish racks. Is the cold as bitter in Sheldon as it is in Hackney? Or do you have a warm and snug office? I then sat in the Dalston Star cafe and ate an egg and sausage sandwich (white bread) and drank a hot chocolate. My table faced Kingsland Road and I could watch pedestrians heading for the nearby Oxfam to do their Christmas shopping. My winter coat is no good; I wish I had a second skin.

I went out for dinner with my work colleagues last night. They all laughed when I asked the waiter to pack the leftovers so I could take it home. I should have listened to my colleagues; the pack leaked in my bag and now I need to wash it as well as my winter mitts. My diary now smells of chicken cashew sauce and egg noodles, and all the pages are sticking together. And I still haven't put up a Christmas tree (though I've draped some shiny decorations on Pablo Picasso's photo). And cats follow me everywhere when I walk London's streets at night.

I hope this e-mail finds you well.

James Carvalho
commonpeople1: (Under Water)
The Invisible Frog

commonpeople1: (Morrissey)
9 out of 10 cats prefer Sheba. The six luxuries of Sheba slide smoothly down their throats, just like any Premium Cut should. And sometimes they cough back up tiny spiders, silk webs, dalmatians dressed as firemen or bug-eyed caterpillars. Sheba brings a perfect purr to their faces.

9 out of 10 cats sleek down New York's 7th avenue and strut into a small bookstore just on the corner of 5th. They make it their home. They don't mind being petted by the customers who browse the dark wood bookshelves. They silently witness romance and courtship by the cards section; they carry that perfect purr on their furry faces.

9 out of 10 cats love girls whose names begin with J.
commonpeople1: (Morrissey)
"A postcard has been read for the first time since it was sent more than a century ago. It was found by architect Kerrin Lyons and his wife Ginny in an old front door they had taken off its hinges while renovating their house in Thornton Hill, Exeter. The card had been sent in 1896. It is thought it fell through a gap in the door and stayed there for 110 years."

From The Observer

What do you think was written on the postcard?
commonpeople1: (Default)
Hi Dagmara!

It was a nice surprise to receive an email from you today, specially because I was planning on writing to you. Cosmic coincidence? You sound as if you are doing well, which is cool, and I`m glad you received my postcard. I know I had promised to give you a brief description of what`s going on in my life but I got so caught up with describing that day on the beach that the idea went away with the waves. So today I`ve come to Maida Vale`s library to fix that mistake and write you a proper email.

Read more... )

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