The Big Stink

Why are there so many people in London who don't like to wash themselves? I don't mind it so much in the winter, where the only places you are likely to be gassed to death are library reading rooms and the sitting areas in Borders, but it truly becomes an unbearable nuisance after any hint of warmth.

Take today for example: I had a nice swim at my local pool, took a long shower, came home, brushed my teeth, collected my bag and hopped on a Tube train; but then the malignant, and familiar, odour reached me -- the scent of your typical London inhabitant who never learned the use of a toothbrush, who thinks that shampoo bottles are items we use to decorate our window sills. I stare at these seemingly normal people and wonder what they have against soap. I'm forced to get up from where I'm sitting and find somewhere else in the carriage that isn't going to make me faint.

I know I'm not imagining things or exaggerating because I've heard of many people like myself, who are not originally from here, that this place stinks in the Summer. The Tube becomes a veritable journey to hell, as people are crushed against each other under inhumane temperatures and forced to tolerate the general lack of hygiene of other travellers. There really doesn't seem to be a solution to this problem, save me ordering random strangers to go buy dehodorant.

The city is crowded
My friends are away
And I'm on my own
It's too hot to handle
So I got to get up and go

It's a cruel, (cruel), cruel summer
Leaving me here on my own
It's a cruel, (it's a cruel,) cruel summer
Now your hygiene is gone
- Bananarama