I'm Writing This to Say, in a Gentle Way...

[commonpeople1]

From Hayden March

THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAIL BACK TO ME.MY LATE CLIETS NAME IS MR.JAMES CARVALHO.SINCE YOU BEAR THE SAME NAME I DECIDEDE TO PRESENT YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO MR JAMES CARVALHO.THE CITI BANK LONDON CONTACTED ME ABOUT THIS DEVELOPMENT.I ONLY NEED YOUR CONTACT DETAILS SO I CAN FORWARD IT TO THE CITI BANK LONDON AS THE ORIGINAL NEXT OF KIN OR BENEFICIARY TO MY LATE CLIENT WILL.
BEING HIS ATTORNEY,I WILL MAKE SURE I GET ALL THE NECCESARY DOCUMENTS TO BACK YOU UP.I WILL FORWARD TO YOU THE DEATH AND THE DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE.I WILL ALSO GO TO THE BRITISH HIGH PROBATE COURT TO GET THE AFFIDAVIT OF CLAIMS IN YOUR NAME.SO PLEASE I NEED YOUR INFORMATIONS SO I CAN PRESENT IT TO THE CITI BANK LONDON.YOUR FULL DETAILS IS REQIURED TO HELP MAKE THE TRANFER OF THE MONEY INTO A SAFE NOMINATED ACCOUNT YOU WILL PROVIDE.WE ARE GOING TO SHARE 70% AND 30% WILL BE MAPPED OUT FOR EXPENCES TO MAKE THE TRANSFER A SUCCESS.YOUR PHONE NUMBER IS NEEDED FOR EASY COMMUNICATION
I AWAIT YOUR REPLY
MY REGARDS

Dear Mr March,

I've thought long and hard about the money which Mr James Carvalho Senior left me and I've decided to take an unexpected route: I hereby declare that I would like all the money to go to charity! 70% of the money (my allotment) should go to Cancer Research UK, Terence Higgins Trust, Shelter, Amnesty International, The Salvation Army, The Red Cross, Greenpeace, Shelter and the British Museum, all divided equally. I would be grateful if the 30% of the money allocated to you would go to charities too, of your choice, though I understand that this may not be entirely possible due to the legal and administrative work you have put into this matter so far.

How are things with you, anyway? I hope all this kerfuffle isn't taking too much of your time and you've been able to nip out of the office and do a bit of Christmas shopping (aren't the weekends downtown just dreadful?) Things are OK with me. I noticed last night that there was no cold water in my apartment; the matter seems to have continued this morning. I'm worried because I'm hosting my bookclub meeting tonight and it's going to be embarrassing if someone wants to flush the toilet but there's no water. Luckily, my landlords are part of my bookclub so I'm going to ask them to look into the matter. We are discussing Wilkie Collins' novel No Name tonight; it's absolutely brilliant and I highly recommend it as a holiday read (even though I'm only halfway through). It's my turn to suggest the next novel but I'm undecided if I should pick The Valley of the Dolls or Gay Blades. What do you think?

Thank you very much for all your help in this matter. I hope it isn't too hard for you to distribute the money amongst the charities. As a goodbye gesture, please find attached a photo of James Carvalho Junior, my pet mouse. Isn't he cute?

Wishing you best regards and a merry Christmas,

James Carvalho


Photo of James Carvalho Junior, attached to e-mail

Comments

[naturalbornkaos.livejournal.com]

These are so great. You should start putting them on a specific, public website somewhere. I absolutely love them.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I've been saving all sorts of junk email and I'm thinking of a project to do with them. These are sort of exercises leading up to something else. :-)

I'm glad you are enjoying them! I hope Mr Marsh can see the humour too. ;-)

[naturalbornkaos.livejournal.com]

I look forward to the "something else". :)

[geosh.livejournal.com]

I agree with naturalbornkaos.....great!
:)

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Coon beans. :-)

[c0th.livejournal.com]

You should so check out this (http://www.419eater.com/).

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Hopefully I won't get to the stage where I'm asking them to take photos of themselves with silly T-shirts, or bricks on their heads. ;-)

[doraphilia.livejournal.com]

I echo this!

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

:-)

[sallypointzero.livejournal.com]

That completely cheered me up! (bearing in mind I have the stuffy nose of doom)

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I've nearly got the nose of doom... have been fighting it these past two days! Get well soon. xo

[steer.livejournal.com]

That's awesome -- I love the photo too!

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Junior knows how to get the cheese.

[desayuno-ingles.livejournal.com]

Bahahahaaa!

[millionreasons.livejournal.com]

I actually got a phishing letter today! I was thinking of taking it to the police but in the end I put it in the recycling bin.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

We've been getting phone calls at work. They say they are the Inland Revenue or HSBC and ask you to call them back on a number, quoting a reference. Luckily, I put the numbers through Google and discovered that they were scams. Pretty balsy on their part.

[millionreasons.livejournal.com]

We got one saying we were entitled to a tax rebate from the council (they were vague about which council they were).

[blu-bear.livejournal.com]

*wants to know when he's being invited over for dinner*

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

*wants to know if that drink at the Palm Tree is still a possibility*

[(Anonymous)]

*supposes so* ;oP

[blu-bear.livejournal.com]

^ me

[sallypointzero.livejournal.com]

Hello! r u out + about later as a few of us r going to Big Red in Holloway... and i still have ur Christmas Card: (

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I shall be out and about, at the Whetherspoons by Holborn tube. lots of people there (some you might know) and you are very welcome to join us!

No worries about xmas card. :-)

[sallypointzero.livejournal.com]

Great thanks 4 the info -- will no doubt straggle along there at some stage!

UNRELATED:

[dilvsy.livejournal.com]

but wanted to let you know, I got the Xmas card from you and Kev in the mail yesterday.
Thank you, my darlings! *hugs to you and kevin*

Re: UNRELATED:

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

You are very welcome! xoxo