Posh Scum in Parsons Green

[commonpeople1]

Parsons Green station, a photo by Ewan-M on Flickr.

It's been years since anyone's thrown a homophobic remark at me. In fact, I can't remember the last time it happened. So I was really surprised last night when my boyfriend and I, as we'd come out of a corner shop with some wine, had a comment aimed at us by a group of guys.

We were on the same sidewalk as them so I stepped behind my boyfriend to give them way (there were three young guys followed by a couple - all in their early 20s). I got this strong feeling that they "spotted" us - their conversation stopped, they all looked at us. It happened very quickly - one of them said to me in a very effeminate way "oh hi honey, how are you" and made this move to touch me.

We just kept walking. My boyfriend didn't even hear very well what he said. As you can imagine, all sorts of scenarios started playing in my mind: that I said something back, that we got into an argument, that we got into a fight.

All in all, it was a tiny little incident. Nothing compared to what many people put up with everyday. I have a gay friend who is harassed all the time; even had someone punch him in the face once for no reason and then walk away (right in Piccadilly, with tons of people around.) And when I hear of what some guys have said to my girlfriends...

Living in the East End, you'd think I'd get this annoying stuff all the time, what with marauding Muslim gangs supposedly controlling my area, but it's never even crossed my mind. I was starting to forget I was gay! There are more and more gay people living in the East End, and this has made "us" feel more visible and part of a silent community - a group that doesn't need to feel so displaced and alone when in public (though I've also heard that homophobic attacks are on the rise here exactly because of this community's growth.)

We were in Parson's Green last night, a posh bit of West London. The home I would imagine of people with good education, who are past this sort of stuff. But I suppose young and dumb white males will always be themselves?! I felt after this encounter like everyone we walked past was a giant asshole. And very straight. The whole rah rah crowd thing.

I've been thinking since then what it must be like to get this sort of harassment fairly regularly. Either you grow a tough skin or… I don't know. What do you do with that rage and sense of unfairness inside of you?

Comments

[leicesterstreet.livejournal.com]

I work in a super homophobic environment where gay jokes and slurs are thrown about all the time, by straight white males of course.

Obviously, I am not out at work and not planning to be out any time soon, probably ever I'd say.

[rockingthemike.livejournal.com]

in a work environment like that, i'm not surprised you keep things quiet. i most certainly would too. of course, it makes for a really uncomfortable place to be 40 hours a week... but i definitely understand your reasons for not being out.

[leicesterstreet.livejournal.com]

Well, soon enough I'll be working from the Carlton office, pretty much be there by myself for large chunks of time so things are looking up :)

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

And I'm really glad to hear that!

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Me too.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Can't imagine what that must be like! I've never worked in a homophobic environment - have been very lucky in that sense.

[androktone.livejournal.com]

It is shitty that people make homophobic comments, but the same profile of young shits also make regular creepy and threatening comments to women. I imagine being disabled also garners this sort of attention. I've been spat at and mocked just for walking home from work, in work clothes. Which is why I don't go through the town centre often in the evenings when these pricks tend to be out. It's a problem that never properly seems to get tackled - the police wouldn't be interested, so they just get to keep on doing it. Really sad to think this behaviour doesn't get tackled at school and there are still people in their twenties and thirties who aren't ashamed of themselves for ruining someone's night.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

It is shitty that people make homophobic comments, but the same profile of young shits also make regular creepy and threatening comments to women.

It was the first thing I thought about them. But they had a girl in their group - I wish I could know what the rest thought of him, if they secretly thought he was a dickhead.

I do find the whole bullying thing particularly bad in Britain - though not particularly more prevalent than in other countries. Just more... obvious somehow. Like people here are less scared or ashamed to display it in public. Homophobia, machismo, etc, exist in other countries I've lived in - like Brasil and Canada - but they aren't as virulent as here (though Homophobia is more violent in Brasil).

[waywardgaze.livejournal.com]

Ugh, young guys in groups are toxic! In my experience, individuals who ordinarily wouldn't look twice at someone different or a lone woman will jump on the chance to harass and score points with their buddies (...somehow?).

I'm so sorry they were jackasses. Even if you walk away without anything worse than words yelled at you, it leaves such a sour feeling.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Agreed. Leaves a sour feeling and a desire to punch!

[steer.livejournal.com]

Horrible -- but it's so good to hear that you haven't experienced it so much... but that makes it even worse when you do experience it. Some people just get carried away in macho behaviour and it's so stupid.

I accidentally harassed someone on the street the other day. I was walking along talking to Caron and I did an impression of the kids TV character from the 70s Chorlton. His catch phrase was "Hello, little old lady." said in a comical northern accent. Unfortunately, I didn't notice I was walking past a rather short elderly woman at the time. Well, I didn't notice until she gave me the most savage cross look and stomped off. Oh dear.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

A big part of the horribleness was its out-of-placeness - just didn't expect to run into that sort of thing in West London. Would have probably not even thought about it if I'd heard it here in the East End (but maybe that's a bad thing.)

[olamina.livejournal.com]

This is a big part of the reason I left Slovenia. Lots of insensitive jerks (of all ages and genders) who just say whatever they want. I didn't want to raise kids in an environment where they felt they had to have their guard especially up. Growing up is tough enough without being picked on for ones appearance. I felt like I had enough in my "toolbelt" to deal but a kid shouldn't have to.

I'm sorry this happened to you but also glad that it doesn't happen often.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I remember your posts in Slovenia! I'd like to think/hope we as a species are moving forward, changing, getting better, but unfortunately I don't think it's going to be in our lifetimes...

[bella1978.livejournal.com]

Your post made me sad and then the more I thought about it, really angry. There is a certain type of straight, white man that I just cannot stand. Fortunately, I don't run into them very much. I wish I could say it was just young men that don't know any better, but I've worked with men in their late thirties who felt the need to make homophobic comments and creepy comments about women. I put it largely down to insecurity. I hope you don't experience an incident like that for a while, ideally ever! x

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Thank you! x